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a rare american 2nd act by tim byrnes

Lyin' in the Christian's Den: Loveland Take 2

    Carl called my recent post regarding the Mike Roe show and all the little prickliness therein as 'truncated' and I think I know what he means. I think he was politley telling me that I wussied out in my eagerness to 'fit in' or be nice or whatever and soft pedalled events, which is odd 'cause I usually never miss a chance to say out loud what polite people think or to do something monumentally stupid to avoid success in any given endeavor, 2 opportunities here brilliantly blown. But the fact is I have to out myself. I did soft pedal what a pain in the ass Roe was, ignored the fact that he treated my friend Dave like shit and let pass his rudeness to my good friend, hell my brother Carl for 2 reasons.
 

     1 of which makes me look good and 1 that's true.

     1st off, I'm alternately baffled and amused (tho always grateful) by the absurdity that my fiercly humanistic chord changes have been acceptrd, if not embraced, by the Christian Underground or at least some adherents thereof. A Christian Facebook friend of mine recently called Tension Envelopes '... the Velvet Underground of the '80's.' (Thanks Dennis, do you you know how long I've waited to hear that from somebody else?) So it was a Cautious Byrnes who showed up in Loveland to sing As a self-identified atheist ( which is, of course a crock. A certainty that god DOESN'T exist is, to me, just as ridiculous as a certainty she does. Once again, I don't know.) I wanted to walk the fine line between not purposely offending Carl and his family and his flock while still somehow remaining true to myself.

     The only 'restriction' Carl put on me was to not curse. Or no 'potty mouth words' is how I beleieve he phrased it, which I felt was more than reasonable given the status of the show and the make up of the audience. Neither was I going to disrespect Carl in his own house, that's what lawns are for. Also, contrary to popular belief I don't NEED profanity to sell my songs.

     I just like it.

     Anyway here's what went down. Roe shows up late ( and I'm talkin' people are already looking for their seats late} and is acting by any definiyion like an asshole. Carping to Carl about the size of the crowd and, as noted, being a perfect little bitch 'cause the monitor wasn't working in a room that didn't need one. In my defense when Roe rudely asked me if I was the sound guy I said 'No, I'm the opening act." When hereplied, again rudely, "Well, did YOU hear anything in the monitor?" I answered " I don't worry about things like that.', spitefully adding "Muddy Waters didn't use no monitors.', at which point I walked out of the room to help the 2nd billed act, Mike Miller (who's music I called 'languid' when I meant 'lame') hang T- shirts.

      Here's the reason that makes me look good: I decided that, as a heathen, it behooved me to take the high road and be more civil to (and more civil THAN) the superduper Christian Music Star who's show it was. A reasonable and charitable way to deal w/the situation, to be sure, but have you met me? I'm not reasonable and I'm certainly not charitable. So why the sudden change?

     Here's the truth: I held back on my true feelings rearding Roe's assholic tendencies and Miller's cotton candy flufftunes bacause -  and I am loathe to admit this - i was afraid if I insulted them it would hurt what I laughingly call a music career.

      Caugh careering by my own lights!

      I've been a rock and roll wannabe going on 40 years now, a legend in my own mind and maybe for a brief moment I thought maybe, just maybe if I play this right, don't piss anyone off like I usually do and kiss, or at least not kick, the right ass I might garner some recognition and maybe a little cash as a Christian Musician.
 

     Stop laughing, Simmons.

     And yes I'm ashamed of my behavior, so at least my Catholic roots are still clutching at me, er,  I mean, working and I can shakily maintain a jerryrigged argument that I actually AM a Christian musician because, hey I sing about god and Jesus all the time, albeit from a different perspective. This is all part of the struggle I struggle w/on a daily basis regarding god and her doinm's and especially, her denizens. All my life, literally, I've been friends w/practicing Christians who would dearly love to see me Saved while putting up w/my screams of I don't believe. But I don't believe and can't imagine a future occurence that would cause me to believe. I imagine that imminent death might make me SAY I believed, but I'd be lying to save my ass. Sorta like I did in Neck Bone Jones Part 1. I hope this post clears things up on a local level and perhaps fixes something on a karmic/cosmic one.


Personal Note to Mike Roe: Contempt for one's audience when such a stance in completely absent from an artist's work, makes said artist look bitter and not a little stupid.

Personal Note to Mike Miller: Never, I repeat NEVER  ever ask the person who is paying you to surrender a vidtape of yr performance because " (yr) voice is only at 80%" Dude, really, think about it.

Passing shot at Muglia: Of course I don't want it to be true, you idiot, if it were true I'd be going to hell, now wouldn't I? Gosh, yr stupid.

.
 

posted by: timbyrnes at 19:48 | link | comments (19) |

Comments:

#1  12 November 2009 - 21:11

 

Yo Tim,

Now I feel like I gotta clarify from the other side...

1) Actually, I don't have a single argument about yr Mike Roe comments. I finally spilled 90% of the whole story elsewhere. And "bitter" is the exact word I've been using. There's really no other explanation, and no excuse either. Dude was not only a guest in my house, but a PAID one. No-one deserved that treatment. I was more perplexed/annoyed about his comments to me/Marion; I was downright pissed about his comments to Dave. You, of course, took care of yrself just fine. :)

2) "...I might garner some recognition and maybe a little cash as a Christian Musician.
     "Stop laughing, Simmons."

No. No, I won't. :) Besides, you HAVE seen my avatar, right? Fits right in. :)

3) To be fair to Michael Miller: a) I really didn't have an issue with handing over the DVD; b) as far as I know, I didn't pay HIM anything; c) again, had he NOT been there, things would have gone MUCH uglier. So he can being as gently blissed-out as he pleases, as far as I'm concerned. He earned it. :)

4) In other news: I talked to the Mandolin Cafe guy downtown. You'd only be playing for tips and free food, but you're more than welcome to do it; he only requested 1+month's notice so his Web guy could get things posted in a timely manner.

burninglight

#2  12 November 2009 - 21:14

 

Oh, and 5) Your performance stood on yr own merits and you KNOW it. As do those who told me they liked you best. :)

burninglight

#3  12 November 2009 - 21:33

 

"AAAAAAAAAYE dig a PMC ", by Mike Roe and the Warm Up Acts!
Phase One, in which Carl brings them Cokes!


















***You need to be familiar with John Lennon's kickoff to the beginning of The Beatles specterized "Let it Be" album to get the spoofization going on in that.***

Jim

Anonymous

#4  12 November 2009 - 21:42

 

OK, I do have ONE Mike Roe correction, in response to the statement: "Contempt for one's audience when such a stance in *completely* absent from an artist's work, makes said artist look bitter and not a little stupid." I submit as evidence, "Perfect Blues":

Well you keep on looking, baby
You ain't gonna find what you're looking for...
Some kinda perfect man that you can worship, baby
He ain't on this earth anymore

Give it up -- forget it, babe, it won't work
Give it up give it up -- forget it, babe, it won't work
You're looking for a perfect boy or girl?
Forget it baby, we're all jerks.


As such, we WERE warned. :P

burninglight

#5  12 November 2009 - 21:59

 

You oughtta have Randy Stonehill at your house, Carl. He is the nicest guy you will ever meet, and is an amazing and under-rated musician. He does so much self-deprecating that people forget what a great musician he is. A self-described "Robin Williams meets Tom Petty" performer, he can really use the cash too. Poor guy had a stellar album called "Lazarus Heart " out in the 90s, and there were only 15 people or so in the whole church when I attended his concert, so he's used to small crowds. When he comes around with Keaggy it's always a packed house though.

Check out the "Fallen Angel" video about Larry Norman, and you'll get a sense of what a great guy he is.

Jim

Anonymous

#6  13 November 2009 - 14:39

 

"Passing shot at Muglia: Of course I don't want it to be true, you idiot, if it were true I'd be going to hell, now wouldn't I? Gosh, yr stupid."

Personal Note to Tim Byrnes: Responding to sincerity with insincerity makes responder look bitter and not a little stupid. :-b

Jim

Anonymous

#7  14 November 2009 - 00:27

 

So does stealing quotes w/out attributing them and, besides, I was sincere in my comment. Why would I want it to be true if that truth condemns me to hell?

Which I also don't believe in.

Carl, thanks. Really. Hey give the guy a months' notice, from the next time you talk to him. I'll polish uo the V and talk Steve out of the car. even if I have to pimp Buster out fer gas money. Coolishness.

And I didn't really think you had an argument w/the olp post, it was just my conscience speaking in yr voice.

tim

timbyrnes

#8  14 November 2009 - 03:05

 

Here be their site: http://www.mandolincafeloveland.com. Should I shoot for a Saturday night?

burninglight

#9  14 November 2009 - 03:05

 

"So does stealing quotes w/out attributing them and, besides, I was sincere in my comment. Why would I want it to be true if that truth condemns me to hell?"

THAT is all you think Christianity does? Condemn people to Hell?
Why would I want any part of it then? It saves us FROM Hell and sin, that's all. If we don't want to be saved from sin and Hell, then we're off-kliter.

Plus, I can't relate at all, not even onle little bit, to "wanting this to be true or wanting that to be true". The only reason at all we should believe anything ever is because it is true, and for no other reason. And if we believe something is true, then of course we will care about others to share it.

I'm a Roman Catholic for one reason. Because I honestly truly with all of my heart believe that is the honest to God truth.

And if I honeslty believe its true, what good is it going to do me to not want it to be true? What psossible good could come to me or anyone else by me not wanting it to be true? For what? So I can not feel like a jerk for acting like a jerk? What's the point>? We oughtta feel like jerks when we act like jerks, why would we want to delude ourselves, because knowing we're deluding ourselves is going to somehow make us truly happy way deep on the inside? I don't think so.

You know, there's been a lot of back and forth on this, that, and the other thing, over the years on here; but the one thing that is truer than anything we can say is this...

that we are all loved. So let's accept it and deal with it, and get pre-occupied with doing what's right instead of merel;y obsessinig with guilt, and everything takes care of itself from there. Look, a good parent who loves his kid doesn't obsess with the kids guilt. Obvioulsy, God, whatever that means to you, would love us even better than a parent would.

Jim

Anonymous

#10  14 November 2009 - 22:00

 

Yo tim: I haven't spoken to the guy yet (Alex), but I'm gonna shoot for Friday, December 11th and here's why: 2nd Friday of the month is Friday Night on the Town in Loveland. The art galleries, etc., all stay open late downtown. Plus, it's the FNotT before Christmas. I.e., there'll be even more shoppers out than normal, and thus more foot traffic in and out of the cafe. More exposure, more tips. :) I'll let you know what happens.

burninglight

#11  17 November 2009 - 23:34

 

Yo byrnes: Earliest gig I could get is Friday, January 15. Will that work?

Anonymous

#12  18 November 2009 - 23:59

 

Cool. January 15th is more than cool. Gives me more time to practice. I just emailed you a bunch of stupid questions about the gig, all of which I'm sure will be answered at their website. Need to come here 1st, but I so like to avoid Muglia when I'm in a good mood. And I'm in a good mood. No reason, just happy. Which means a pinano's gonna fall on me any day now.

And yes, Jim, that's what I think xianity is because, at heart,  to me that's exactly what it is, a story designed to get rotten kids to eat their spinach, but only on a more grandiose scale. It saves you from hell, it only invented hell to make you think it could save you from .....

oh, never mind, I'm not gonna let you ruin my mood, but not for nothing, if it were an episode of Star Tek, you'd see it plain as day.

I'm just sayin'.
tim

timbyrnes

#13  19 November 2009 - 01:29

 

"And yes, Jim, that's what I think xianity is because, at heart,  to me that's exactly what it is, a story designed to get rotten kids to eat their spinach, but only on a more grandiose scale. It saves you from hell, it only invented hell to make you think it could save you from ....."

OR, it's what gladly moves people to acts of coolness. And sometimes even, against their wills, into good moods.

So (stops to chew carrot), have ya' GOT a PI-anna??? :P

burninglight

#14  19 November 2009 - 03:03

 

He gets down on the piano keys pretty good on the Supertramp remorse tune, as well as that one with the crazy vocal, "woogeda wooogeda woogeda woogeda" or whatever the heck he says.

Am I right in assuming you were the keyboard guru on those ones, Tim? Some pretty good "ivory-ticklin'" there, to borrow from a drunken  Mike Love attacking Billy Joel (among several others) at the Beach Boys '88 RR hall of Fame induction.

Jim

Anonymous

#15  20 November 2009 - 02:52

 

"And yes, Jim, that's what I think xianity is because, at heart,  to me that's exactly what it is, a story designed to get rotten kids to eat their spinach, but only on a more grandiose scale. It saves you from hell, it only invented hell to make you think it could save you from ....."

Tim ,

Any way anyone slices and dices it, these "con artists" that made up this lie to get people to eat their spinach, gave their very lives for it.

Look at what the title of your thread is a play on.

Yes, there are scheisters out there (even admitted you would lie to make abuck in this thread), but would they willingly pay for what they knew was a lie with their lives? If you went ahead with a lie to make a buck in the music industry, wouldn't it be crazy to give your life for it, since your goal was merely to make a buck.

As Bono would say, what more in the name of love? These guys gave their lives.

That's gotta pierce your heart eventually; come on, man, please, know truth and goodness when you see it, for once. You can't keep going through life assuming the good guys are bad, and vice-versa. Eventually you have to step back and realize how wrong that is.

Jim

Anonymous

#16  22 November 2009 - 03:52

 

Carl: Perhaps it's the 'gladly moving' part of the equation that has the real value. By which I mean the acts of coolness themselves are generated by the person who acts and it is the action that is cool; and actions always begin as thoughts which occur in the mind. I'm just sayin'.

Jim: Again w/the 'do what's right'. Define right. And as for giving their lives, people have been giving their lives for stupid reasons since time began because there are no smart reasons to die. YOU come on.

tim

timbyrnes

#17  22 November 2009 - 20:26

 

"Jim: Again w/the 'do what's right'. Define right. And as for giving their lives, people have been giving their lives for stupid reasons since time began because there are no smart reasons to die. YOU come on."

Right is that which you know in your heart to be correct. Like Roe. He probably knew in his heart, it's just a freakin' monitor I don't even need, and wow these people, few as they are were kind enough to be here tonight to see me. I understand he didn't do what was right, but from your moral ranting about it, apparently YOU thought there was a "right" way to handle it. So don't actl like "right" is such a hard thing to explain to you.

Regarding no smart reasons to die, you need to watch The Poseidon Avdenture again. Not the newest one, "Richard Dreyfuss Plays a Boring Fag (subtitle: Lame Poseidon Adventure Remake)", but the original 70's one that actually kept people awake and interested.

Look at what that Hackman character did at the end, like what Jesus did for us so we can see the light of day. Or that fat diver lady.

And no there does not have to be a morning after pill.

Jim

Anonymous

#18  23 November 2009 - 02:42

 

Or let's think about Springsteen's song "Into the Fire" about the fierfighters on 9-11 who went  "upstairs into the fire" knowing very well they probably weren't coming down. No fiction there. Don't tell me you're not as moved as me or  the next guy by the sacrifices some people have made.

Jim

Into the Fire
-----------------
The sky was falling and streaked with blood
I heard you calling me then you disappeared into the dust
Up the stairs, into the fire
Up the stairs, into the fire
I need your kiss, but love and duty called you someplace higher
Somewhere up the stairs into the fire

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

You gave your love to see in fields of red and autumn brown
You gave your love to me and lay your young body down
Up the stairs, into the fire
Up the stairs, into the fire
I need you near but love and duty called you someplace higher
Somewhere up the stairs into the fire

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

It was dark, too dark to see, you held me in the light you gave
You lay your hand on me
Then walked into the darkness of your smoky grave
Somewhere up the stairs into the fire
Somewhere up the stairs into the fire
I need your kiss, but love and duty called you someplace higher
Somewhere up the stairs into the fire

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

May your love give us love 

Anonymous

#19  23 November 2009 - 16:22

 

It was wrong for me to use the slur against the PA character a couple posts up, so I apologize to anyone offended, and for the bad Christian witness on my part.

That said, it is an interesting study in contrasts with the character I recall RD playing in "Stakeout" way back when, not that I allowed myself to actually watch that trash flick all the way through or anything. I just caught the part where he was quite adamant about going, ahem "above and beyond the call of duty", shall we say, to scope out a woman's house. :-b

Jim

Anonymous

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